I asked my sister if I could stay at her apartment for three nights because I was going to have surgery in New York City, and she replied: “Bring hospital bacteria into my house? You’re better off paying for a hotel, don’t be a freeloader.” I laughed, hung up, and canceled the recurring transfer I had been using to pay her mortgage for years… but when I got to the hospital, I discovered that she wasn’t just living off my money: she had also used my name to take out a loan that could leave me without medical treatment.

Rebecca lost access to the authorized credit card, my financial support, and the comfortable narrative where she was the “enterprising” sister and I was the strong one who had to fix everything.