My son-in-law called me crying: “Your daughter didn’t survive the delivery.” I rushed to Providence Memorial Hospital, but when I tried to enter room 314, he blocked my path, gripped my shoulders, and whispered: “You don’t want to see her like this. Trust me.” Then I saw something in his eyes worse than grief: fear… and I realized that night they weren’t just hiding a goodbye from me, but the truth.

That was all the permission I needed.

I marched out of St. Jude Medical Center without looking back. In the car, my hands were shaking so violently it took three tries just to turn the ignition key. I didn’t call Silas. I didn’t call my older sister. I didn’t call any of my friends.