Before I tied the knot, my mom forced me to transfer the deed of my $3-million condo into her name. She warned me: “Do not breathe a word of this to Mark or his family.” I genuinely thought she had lost her mind. That is, until my mother-in-law grabbed the microphone in front of 200 wedding guests and proudly announced that my place in Pacific Heights was going to be her retirement home.

As I walked past the gift table, I noticed the towering stacks of gold envelopes and a ridiculously expensive crystal set Eleanor had selected because “on the Gold Coast, one must entertain properly.” I paused, picking up a small, elegant card attached to it. It read: “For your beautiful new home.”