The minute my divorce was final, I canceled my ex-mother-in-law’s card. My ex called screaming: “Her card declined on a $50k Cartier necklace! You humiliated her!” I hung up. At 6 AM, I woke to a drill gnawing my deadbolt. “My wife is having a mental breakdown. Drill it!” my ex lied to a locksmith. And what he did next was even worse than I could expect.

But a dying animal is the most dangerous kind.

A week later, the process server handed me the thick envelope outside my office building. Eleanor was suing me for ten million dollars for defamation, emotional distress, and public humiliation.