Before she passed away, my mom confessed that I had three wealthy brothers living out in L.A.… So I grabbed my plaid plastic tote bag, hopped on a Greyhound bus, and went to look for them. But when I arrived at the LAPD precinct and gave them their names, the cops looked at me like I was losing my mind… because my oldest brother was a venture capital mogul, the second was a Hollywood movie star, and the third was the most famous gamer in the country.

We got into the Maybach in absolute silence. The tattooed guy kept staring at the car with a traumatized look on his face while the officers cleared a path for us. I sat in the plush back seat, clutching my bag as if I still needed to protect it.